rainy days and tucker tackles

today has been a day for the books. on my way to class, i rear ended a mercedes benz on burke lake rd. when i told my new dad, he said "couldn't you have hit a cheaper car?" i have the worst luck in the entire world. i was surprisingly on time for class even though the owner of the mercedes made me stand in the rain with him explaining the inner-workings of the prius, because he was amazed that the engine turns off when you're not driving it.


when i got home the garage door wouldn't open, and it took me a lot of restraint to not call the garage door man and scream at him. the only reason i didn't is because the last time he came out to fix it, he told me there was nothing wrong with the garage door, told me to put some shoes on, and asked if we could smoke weed out of my hookah. then he criticized my aunt and uncle's parenting skills and said he would never let his 6 year old child smoke hookah. 


i called liberty mutual to make a claim and spent an hour on the phone with some guy named brian who had a heavy boston accent. he wanted me to commit to having my car fixed at one of their autoshops, and i kept telling him i would have my dad call and discuss with him because i can't even commit to a hair color, but he just kept pushing. i should have suggested him a future career in canvassing, because this guy was good.


also, i hardly got any info from the guy i hit, and by next week he's probably going to come up with a severe neck injury or something. i think i'm going to move back to massachusetts because virginia has been horrible for my driving record. 


later in the dsay i saw tucker eating something suspicious in the yard, so i went out to make sure he wasn't eating what i thought he was eating. he saw me coming and immediately burried it, and then ran over to me and tackled me to the ground. i managed to punch him in the face as i fell down in the mud. he got what he deserved.


also, started jew class last night. basically all i've learned so far is to "be fruitful and multiply", but uncle larry wanted me to ask how to convert before class even started. i'm down, as long as i get to start dating jews. 

please use my misfortunes as words of wisdom: never consent to a spinal tap. worst pain of my entire life.

i spent last night in urgent care where they were convinced that i was dying because i had a fever of 103.1. they immediately gave me two really powerful IV's of antibiotics (that took an hour and a half each) and a liter of IV fluids, then sent me over to a hospital to get a cat scan and a spinal tap because they were really concerned that i had meningitis. not what i consider an ideal night.

we got home at 9:30 and pmcg immediately left for work and me and gabbie spent the morning in bed.

today i've realized that my dog is a total asshole. if he was a person, he'd be that really annoying hyperactive kid in your fifth grade class that was bigger than everyone and couldn't read and jumped all over you all day long while you were just trying to do your math problems before recess. i just brought cassie over, the 14 year old dog that i'm currently watching while my neighbors are away. i thought it would be nice for all of us to sit on the front porch, so i put tucker's leash on to bring him out with us, and he started going absolutely batshit bonkers. it's as if a demon posesses him once he sees his leash. she starts shaking ferociously and foaming at the mouth and jumping all over me no matter how many times i punch him in the face. i realized this idea was clearly not going to work when i brought tucker out onto the porch and he immediately knocked my hookah and three chairs over, so i brought him back inside and banished him to the backyard. cassie didn't understand what the two of us were doing on the front porch, so i brought her back inside, but gabbie's on the prowl so i couldn't leave her in there alone, so i just put her in the backyard as well. for some reason cassie is THE only thing gabbie isn't afraid of, probably because she's 14 and can't put up a fight. tucker: 1. rosie: 0.

today i woke up with a kidney infection. the doctor can't see me til three, and i had to bring in amanda's car for an oil change at 11:18, so i went over to toyota. there was much confusion because they had scheduled the oil change for my car accidently, but finally it was settled and the guy asked us to please not buy matching cars ever again. they told me something was recalled on amanda's car so i had to wait 2 hours for it to be done, so i sat down and tried to connect to the wifi, which failed. so i decided to take a walk, and crossing the highway proved to be trecherous. finally i made it to bombay bistro where i sat outside and stole their internet because as a general rule for myself, i don't go anywhere that has "bistro" in the name. i walked back to toyota an hour early and the prius was sitting in the parking lot, done. so i peaced out of there and got more bloodwork done.

i'm thinking of getting tucker a grooming appointment for next week for him to get a lion cut and not telling my family about it. 

my entire family is an absolute circus. my mom/aunt has been running around in the yard with her moon journal and making green whoopie pies all night, and asking me to steal sugar from the neighbors who i'm dog sitting for. my uncle/dad is still celebrating buzzard day, which was yesterday apparently. i called my grandfather to tell him how weird my new parents are but he was too busy pouring spaghetti sauce down the toilet to talk to me. i'm beginning to think i'm the most sane person in this family and that says a lot because i've been preparing tucker fake chicken caesar salad wraps and feeding him banana peppers under the table for days. (i don't think he likes them because he started running away from me after the first few.)

also, we got a new heat pump. i mostly only know this because when i came home from class yesterday, i sat down at the kitchen table and started to tell tucker about my day and noticed the heat pump men laughing at me down the stairs.

i'm currently house sitting for my next door neighbors. the poor dog is 15 years old and both deaf and blind and when i went over this morning, i thought for sure she was dead because she didn't even notice that i came in the door and didn't move until i went over and poked her. however, we have the same outlook on life because when i went over to walk her in the rain tonight, she refused to go outside and peed on the back steps. something i also tend to do when it's raining outside.


i had a tornado drill during class today, except there was much confusion because my teacher didn't know about it and it was kind of awkward when this little asian woman ran by the door screaming "tornado drill!". we followed her into some other classroom where people were hiding under desks, and somebody yelled at me for bringing my iced coffee with me and not taking the drill seriously, but if there was a legitimate tornado, i would obviously bring my iced coffee with me. i then sat underneath a desk and tweeted because there was free wifi.


then i took a 5 hour nap because i had to get up at 5:15 am to drive my neighbors to the airport. i also skipped getting my blood work done today because i don't really want to know if my platelets are low or not. who needs platelets? that shit can wait til tomorrow.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_2xAhvtiqQ

dumbo jones and his dumbo brigade

today has been a day that should definitely be a chapter in the book about my awkward life. i worked kennel this morning and was so excited when i was chosen to make a starbucks run. i usually live for these kinds of days. today, however, when i ordered becca's oatmeal, i was asked what kind of toppings i wanted on it. i have never eaten oatmeal in my life, thus i don't know what type of things people put in it, so i responded with "all of them". the starbucks man, who by the way was extremely scary and unfriendly and had everything on his face pierced, said "you can't have all of them", which seemed unfair to me because they only offered fruit, nuts, or maple sugar. so i chose fruit, and when i gave the oatmeal to becca, she looked like she wanted to punch me in the face. i retreated to the kitchen to drink my iced coffee (or more like chug my iced coffee), and becca came in there to inform me that she had called starbucks to yell at the man, and i had to go back to retrieve the nuts and maple sugar because there was no way she was going to eat the oatmeal without it. walking back into starbucks to be greeted unfriendily by the scary man was the hardest thing i've ever had to do.


i got home from work at 11 and decided instead of taking a nap today, i was going to get shit done. i called kaiser to yell at them for repeatedly calling me every day to tell me that i missed my appointment, because i didn't. i also told them that i wasn't going to fax them my blood work because they did the blood tests themselves and they had the results. i'm too embarassed to ever go back there again.


then i called the law offices of dumbo jones, as my uncle/dad refers to him , who is the lawyer that did my adoption (and took 3 months to file the papers), and told him i would like to come in to sign my name change papers in front of a notary. so i went over there at 1pm, just like i had told them. obviously i was late because there was traffic on main street, where i took a picture of 3 construction men who were standing around with shovels, and then had to drive away real fast because they saw me taking the picture and i thought for sure they were going to hit my car with their shovels. i got to dumbo jone's office at 1:05, and they had no idea who i was. finally, the receptionist said "oh, you're the adopted girl." i told him yes i was the adopted girl, and i am very sensitive about it and don't appreciate that nickname, even though i actually am not sensitive about it and i tell everybody i know that i got adopted, and that's a great nickname, but who does that? finally the notary came out, and she was not very friendly. i looked over the papers and corrected dumbo jones spelling errors, which he didn't appreciate, but i don't appreciate having a lawyer that makes spelling errors in court orders. i signed the papers and she made me a copy which i planned to frame before i lost it (i think it's probably in the elevator somewhere). i hope somebody doesn't steal my new identity.

woke up from a text from my grandfather today that said:     i got up early today, showered, ate brft and decided i would do something other than hang around with frank so i thought i'd go to MFA. looked it up on the internet to get directions, parking, etc. and it said the MFA was closed today. guess why: OBAMA. he is going today so i can't. think he'll get my vote? (yes)


i then suggested that he go to the aquarium and his response was "not in the mood for fish."

i judge you based on the size of your dog and your coffee order. i just feel like i should put that out there. 

friday night's alright for fighting

tucker and i took a trip to burke lake today. tucker caused a scene in my driveway after i opened the backseat to let him in. he jumped into the front seat, so i closed the backseat and went around to the drivers side door to find that he had locked himself in, with the keys on the passenger seat. if only he knew turning on the car was so easy as pressing the "on" button. i thanked god a little bit that he didn't know the inner workings of the prius, and didn't know this button existed. (god, i promise to be a devout catholic for now on.)


after getting the spare key and getting tucker locked into the back seatbelt, we were on our merry little way. it amazes me that even while tucker's harness is buckled in to the back, he manages to get all the way up to the front seat. after almost safely getting to burke lake, and taking some insulin while driving (me, not the dog), we made it to the parking lot.


i opened the back door and tucker jumped out, still buckled into the seatbelt. this created some problems as he got stuck midway and sort of hung out the door a little bit. i unbuckled him and he bolted, bringing me with him. i dragged him back to the car so we could close the door and lock the car, and re-adjusted his collar for maximum control. tucker yet again took off for the path, taking an old asian man down with him. (dear asian man: i am so sorry.)


we started down the path and tucker immediately saw his first target: a small white toy poodle. he crouched down, in his i'm-about-to-pounce-on-some-prey stance, and i positioned my legs in a fashion that a person holding the ropes for somebody rock climbing would use. the ugly little poodle passed, and i managed to restrain tucker back, so the poodle will live to see another day.


his next target was a tiny little yorkie. i hate yorkies, but i put my opinions aside and feel sympathetic for whatever tucker has his eye on, because only disaster is in it's forseeable future (except for the toy poodle, that thing was gross). the yorkie's owner was a middle aged woman who thought she was 22, in a juicy velour track suit (in a disgusting hue of pink), carrying her coach purse, and wearing flip flops. this woman was clearly not in it for the long haul around burke lake. tucker crouched, and this time i was so distracted by the yorkie's owner, that i lunged forward a good 4 feet when tucker leaped. he tackled the yorkie, and i grabbed his collar to pull him away (in the meantime dropping my iphone in a pile of leaves), and the woman grabbed her stupid little dog and gave me a death glare while simultaneously taking off for the parking lot. i don't really feel bad about this one.


the rest of the trip was mostly uneventful, with tucker pulling so much that we had to stop every few feet for him to calm down and fix his collar before starting back up again. we turned around about a 1/4 of the way around because i was sick of his bullshit. 

when it rains, it pours.

somehow, even though i now have healthcare, the healthcare system is continuing to ruin my life. after paying my 30 dollar copay, the endocrinologist switched my insulin, and told me kaiser will not pay for insulin pens, so i have to use vials of insulin and syringes. i'm sorry, but did we time warp back to the year 2003? i think this is a actually posibility because of the fact that pink is still on the radio. 

the vials of insulin need to be refridgerated at all times. WHO CARRIES A REFRIGERATOR WITH THEM? this is absurd. 

i also had to pay 80 dollars for insulin. what's the point of even having healthcare?